OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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