I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
