Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
