When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize