conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
