I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
