theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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