but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
