next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
