I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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