she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize