I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
