I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
