A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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