i always forget guys have bellybuttons
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
