I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I just sharted jello shots
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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