Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
