So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
