She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
