do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
