Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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