I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Someone came in the potted fern
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
