he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
