I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
