Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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