Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
