The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
