Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you traded sex for a burrito?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
