The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
