Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
