Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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