my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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