so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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