Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
