Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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