WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
