mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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