those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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