peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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