just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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