you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
