Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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