if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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