I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
false alarm, still single
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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