Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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