I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
