i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
