Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
