that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
