His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
