Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
