I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
