His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize