This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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