they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
