it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
