Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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