I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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