I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
