haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize