Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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