Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
