it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
