She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
