I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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