Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize