Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
