We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize