I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sober January is a disaster.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize